The Legend Of Hercules

So today I am complaining about the upcoming movie The Legend of Hercules. I watched the trailer, and I must say, I’m disappointed. First of all, the movie is about Hercules himself trying to return to the princess of Crete. Now let’s talk about what Hercules is famous for. Hercules is the son of Zeus and was sentenced by Hera to perform the 12 labors. These 12 labors were supposedly impossible and most of them involved fighting monsters of Greek myth and legend.

1.  Hercules had to kill the Nemean Lion, a large lion with an impenetrable hide.

2.  He had to kill the Hydra, a large reptilian beast with nine heads and when one head was cut off, two would take its place.

3.  Next he was tasked with capturing the Hind of Ceryneia, which was basically a deer that was made out of metal.

4.  Hercules then had to capture the Erymanthian Boar. This basically involved him hunting down a giant wild boar.

5.  Then he had to clean the Augean Stables in one day which held thousands of cattle.

6.  He then had to kill a huge flock of man-eating birds called the Stymphalian Birds.

7.  Next up Hercules had to kill the Cretan Bull, which was basically an abnormally large bull.

8.  Hercules then had to capture a few man-eating horses of Diomedes.

9.  Then he had to go and steal the belt of Hippolyte, a powerful woman-warrior.

10.  He had to steal a few red cattle from a monster shepherd with three heads, three pairs of legs, and one waist, named Geryon.

11.  Almost done. Hercules had to steal a golden apple from his father, Zeus.

12.  Finally, Hercules had to go and capture the infamous guard dog of the underworld, Cerebus.

So basically, they makers of this movie could have had Hercules do all these awesome tasks which included epically dueling with creatures of ancient myth and legend. BUT NO. They had to make Hercules save his stupid princess of Crete. They could have worked her into the whole 12 labors thing. But nope, let’s just ignore that part of his life that made him the most famous Greek hero in history and have him save his princess.  

-- Rudolph