Amber Alerts

I don’t think we’re using amber alerts correctly. They’re supposed to help find kidnapped people but from personal experience I haven’t seen it work.

Whoever invented the amber alert, (I’m gonna assume it was named after her and her name was “Alert”), definitely thought that it would go off in a restaurant and a hero would stand up.

 

“Everyone sitting at the bar take north of Midtown; everyone seated at a table, take Downtown and Brooklyn. We’re gonna bring little Sally home.” 

 

And then everyone would break into action and vanquish the kidnappers.

 

Instead, the alarm goes off, and the response is more like: “All of our phones are making noise at the same time! Wowee. What are the odds?!” And then we go back to our meals. 

Rudolph