Okay. So, some weird lady is thinking of getting her boyfriend a Christmas present and she thinks it would be a cute idea to get him a present for each day of Christmas. Still seems normal? Then listen up.
Day 1: A partridge in a pear tree. I can just hear her boyfriend Nick saying awkwardly, “Gee, thanks for the ummm…bird and bush?” At the very least get him a parrot instead of a bird we’ve all never heard of and teach it to say “Merry Christmas!” Two turtle doves. Sounds like somebody misinterpreted “Opposites attract” and now have in possession two feathery, shelled, bickering children. Oh, and about that, what’s up with all the birds? I bet you she wants to get him a job as an owner of a bird store. Yeah, that’s soooo it. I’m seeing gift #13 right there. Next up: Three French hens. Someone please let this odd woman know that when you go to France, you bring back home a t-shirt or a snow globe with the Eiffel Tower on it, NOT a hen. And AGAIN with the bird thing! I’m telling you; Bird store!! Present No. 4: four calling birds. Sound familiar? OMG BIRDDDS!!! WHATTHEHECK?!?!?!
The 5th gift is five golden rings which sounds a lot more normal on a scale of one to ten. It sounds like a certain someone’s boyfriend doesn’t need a bird- related job but that certain someone believes that said boyfriend needs to unglue his lazy butt from the couch. Also, won’t it look strange if he’s only wearing rings on one hand and not the other? Six geese a-laying. It’s obvious that she seriously wants her fiancée to get the pet shop. Okay, so she ordered six pregnant geese on line at Amazon or something and got them shipped in JUST THREE DAYS. Yippee! Not so much, hotshot. Seven swans swimming. The bird thing is getting a bit old, hon. And yes, I’m sure they come with an Olympic-sized pool that is most DEFINITELY not illegal in all countries except for Slovakia and most Northern parts of Russia. Eight maids milking. Let me guess! They come with a lifetime’s supply of milk! HOHOHO(snort-snort)! Don’t laugh at my dainty giggle! It’s how we chuckle at the North Pole!
Anyway, next up is nine ladies dancing. I bet you she saw this add and just had to go for it: Free ladies that dance! One pirouetting princess for $1.50! Get a package deal with nine promenading pretties for only $10.00! Only at Walmart, Nov 16- Dec 16! After those frolicking females comes ten lords leaping. How is that not slavery? Civil War much? Eleven pipers piping does not seem like it was on lover boy’s list. And finally, twelve drummers drumming. Maybe instead of a “feathered friends” shop, she could buy him a band! She’s obviously going for something like that. Well, even though this wacky yet festive holiday favorite may seem stupefying, it is still known and loved by many throughout the globe.
Thanks for reading the first of the “4 Calling Birds’” creative collection and we hope you enjoyed our story. (This piece was not intended to offend any person or persons and is entirely written out of humor.)
This has been the Birds’ sweetest gal,
Holly Day (Wrapping Industry)