Saturday, December 7, 2013

The Three Little Pigs (As Told Via Famous Movie Quotes)

Once upon a time there were three little pigs. One pig built a house of straw while the second pig built his house with sticks. They built their houses very quickly and then sang and danced all day because they were lazy. "After all, tomorrow is another day!" they said.  "If you build it, he will come" the third little pig replied.  The third little pig worked hard all day and built his house with bricks.  "What we've got here is a failure to communicate", the third little pig worried.  
A big bad wolf saw the two little pigs while they danced and played and thought, “My precious. As God is my witness, I will never go hungry again!” He chased the two pigs, shouting "Carpe Diem,  I'll get you my pretty!" and they ran and hid in their houses. "Mother of Mercy, it this the end of Rico?" the first little pig squealed.  "Well here is another fine mess you've gotten me into" replied the second little pig.  "Well, nobody is perfect" shot back the first little pig.  Indeed, they were panicking.  "I am mad as hell and I am not going to take this anymore" snarled the big bad wolf.  "I am going to make him an offer he can' t refuse" he continued As he went to the first house and huffed and puffed and blew the house down in minutes. Hasta la vista, baby!  The frightened little pig ran to the second pig’s house that was made of sticks.  "It's alive! It's alive!" he screamed.  The big bad wolf now came to this house and huffed and puffed and blew the house down in hardly any time. "Hello, gorgeous" he announced as the last bit of sticks blew to the ground.  Now, the two little pigs were terrified and the first little pig did not move.  "Snap out of it! urged the second little pig.  "Nobody puts baby in a corner" he reminded him and they ran to the third pig’s house that was made of bricks.  "Is it safe? they pleaded.  "Open the pod bay doors, Hal!" they begged.

The big bad wolf tried to huff and puff and blow the house down, but he could not. "Plastics" the third little pig proudly exclaimed.  "I'll be back" said the big bad wolf.  He kept trying for hours but the house was very strong and the little pigs were safe inside. He tried to enter through the chimney but the third little pig boiled a big pot of water and kept it below the chimney. "Keep your friends close, but your enemies closer" the third little pig explained.  The other two little pigs asked him what that meant.  The third little pig said "Wait a minute, wait a minute.  You ain't heard nothin' yet!"  The wolf then fell into the bot of boiling water and died.  All three little pigs rejoiced "May the force be with you!"

The two little pigs now felt sorry for having been so lazy. "We're on a mission from God" they said apologetically.  Then they, too, built their houses with bricks and lived happily ever after. There is no place like home.

-- Eve 

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