Religious Trauma

There’s a lot of trauma in being part of any religion, and if you’re lucky enough to have two religions like me, you get double the trauma. And it starts immediately after you’re born. 

Catholics have this ceremony called Baptism. And if you’re not familiar, basically they take a baby and they drown it, but just like a little bit. They just kind of dunk it in there like it’s a strawberry in fondue. They waterboard it. They waterboard the baby. You don’t even need to be a priest to do it, you can just be a Marine. 

 

For Jews they have this little ceremony called a Bris where basically they cut off part of your penis. That’s a lot of trauma to experience in the first few days of your life.

 

You know how the tradition of the bris started? Really simple story. Basically, in the bible, God just… commanded Abraham to do it. 

 

Say what you want, but that’s a test of faith. 

 

He was like: 

“Abraham, you love me right?” 

“Yeah God, for sure, I’m a huge fan”

“Okay good, sometimes I’m not sure, so I kinda want you to prove it to me, is that weird?” 

“Oh my god, no not weird at all, how can I prove my love to you?”

“Okay good, well you know how you have a penis?”

“Yeah, love it, use it all the time, it’s awesome.”

“I want you to cut it off. And then I want you to do it to your sons”.

 

Abraham had to do it as an adult too, to himself. Abraham remembered his circumcision. That makes the guy from 127 hours look like a wuss. 

 

“Oh, you had to cut off your own arm? Cute.”

Rudolph