Fan Mail

To my faithful followers and readers,

I am regularly humbled by the amount of support and the levels of sheer loyalty that you, our fans, show our Holidailies blog. Holidailys? Holidailes. No one knows how to spell it.

You are so loyal that, every December, I receive tons of fan mail every week! And I am so grateful for that, believe me. I merely want to take some time today to address the content of said mail. In just the past couple of days, I’ve received the following:

• A top-heavy cross that always turns upside down, no matter how you hang it
• A heavily used Santa suit
• Chocolate chip cookies with thick Italian arm hairs.
• A rabbit’s foot, still warm and bloody (how did you get it to stay warm?)
• A stuffed Reindeer toy. If you squeeze it, it says “Um, Santa’s right behind me, isn’t he?”
• A highly detailed drawing of my face with extra wrinkles (what the hell)

And I am so grateful for these! But also, don’t send them anymore. Instead of these eclectic items, I’ve assembled a list of alternative gifts that you can send:

• Cash

We look forward to your future contributions. Happy Hanukkah!

Rudolph